Curse of the Wardrobe Malfunction
by ArmorBlade
Summary: A day at the beach turns into a silly dilemma.  Enjoy.  Written for MLSF challenge #2.


For fic challenge #2 from the Mostly Lucky Star Forum. _Tsukasa, Kagami, Konata, and Miyuki along with Kuroi go to the beach and find a mysterious box/chest._

**M **- This one gets silly and free with the terms, and I disclaim to own anything at all in the source material of this or anything in life really.

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**_Curse of the Wardrobe Malfunction_**

Another bead of sweat dripped down Nanako's forehead from the intense heat of the sun over head. The salty condensation making its way along her eyebrow, threatening to fall into the left eye. She had to wipe it away! Before it could—

A towel padded itself to the brow, soaking up the offending drop.

Ah, the merciful Miyuki, her savior! "Is that better Kuroi-sensei?"

"Thank you Takara~" Nanako sighed in relief as the dabbing continued across the rest of her face. "Okay girls, you've had your fun. Now get me the hell out of here I'm begging you!"

However Miyuki along with Konata, Kagami, and Tsukasa only watched on as their teacher struggled in vain beneath the weight of sand surrounding her. A glorious crafted sculpture with the blonde buried right in the center. As to what it was exactly, she had not a clue from her vantage point.

"Come on ma'am. We're even waiting on you on hand and foot like we promised." Konata stood from her most recent addition to the growing pile.

"You on your hands and knees digging in the sand is not what that saying means. I want beer!" Shouted Nanako.

"Easily done." The bluenette held up a finger as if about to make the point clear. "We can get that for you too."

"Konata! Of course we can't, we are underage to be buying stuff like that." Kagami admonished, coolly sipping her own beverage. Adding another level to Kuroi's irritation as the long lavender-haired girl just had to sip it nice and slow, the motion of her throat a tantalizing dip with each swallow.

"-Ahh. Besides, without her we wouldn't have been able to come to the beach this week, and she's been in there for almost two hours."

"Kagami-san does have a point. Dehydration is not something to take lightly." Miyuki intoned, a tropical drink now also in hand. "Tsukasa-san, this is very delightful."

The short haired girl looked up from the cooler where she was mixing yet another drink. "Thanks! I made sure to add kiwi juice this time. It perks you up just right."

"Mm, yes I must agree."

"Ahem!" Nanako loudly coughed to interrupt their light chatter to bring their attention back to the matter at hand. "Me. Out. Now!"

Though the blonde would've had no qualms in ruining their masterpiece by popping out as soon as she was able, the four girls lead her carefully from her pit of torment and around the multiple coils extending from it. Finally she was able to gaze fully upon what had been built up around her. She wished she had trampled it afterall.

The coils were what she could only guess were supposed to be tentacles spiraling out from where her head had rested above. "It's an octopus."

"Yeah, isn't it cute!"

Her students, well students on summer break, were not very observant of the red tick marks appearing around their teacher's temples. Disgraced, was that what she was feeling right now? With a nice dose of fury, possibly.

"Hey look, did you forget something in here teach?" Konata asked as she poked around in the cavity left behind. A gleaming black surface rested on the bottom.

Overtaken by curiosity, Nanako's anger subsided as they all helped to unearth the object. Carefully mind you, for the sake of their sculpture. The blonde privately swearing an oath that she would definitely kick and scatter it before they left. That thought however again was derailed with what was revealed.

"Huh, I thought I might've been sitting on a rock or something. But this is…"

"Treasure!" The smallest of their number squealed excitedly, placing her arms around as much of the handsome black and gold chest as she could.

Kagami sighed at the sight. "Don't get too attached, I doubt we'll be allowed to keep it."

Her younger twin looked flabbergasted. "Onee-chan, aren't you excited at all? I mean, you don't find something like this everyday!"

"No, this is really cool and all. But honestly, would there be anything of value today inside?"

"That's true." Miyuki shifted her glasses as she moved in for a better view. "Though many associate chests such as these with the treasure of pirates, they were most commonly that of ordinary luggage from those unfortunate lost at sea. However the chest itself is an upsized Camphor chest done in the Lacquerware craft. I venture to guess cerca 17th century. Such a find would be very attractive in the market of auctioned antiques or even possibly a museum."

"Yuki-chan, you know antiques even? That's amazing." Tsukasa blinked in awe at the ever knowledgeable meganekko.

"But there's got to be treasure inside! Do you have any idea what would happen to a game maker if they put hard to find item-chests around maps without anything valuable in them? You can kiss their reputation goodbye! It's here of all places, found by us and by chance! It's destiny meant for us alone!" Little animated tears flowed down Konata's cheeks.

RPG reference aside, Nanako had to admit the brat was right. That would just be too cruel for it to be empty. "Well…only one way to find out right?"

Together the five gulped as the inched closer. Placing their hands upon the crane-painted lid as their teacher undid the simple, but still secure latch. With a held breath, the lid was pushed up and open.

It was not gold that glittered up at the bunch. Nor ivory, glass beads, silver, weapons or canisters of spice. Though it was not completely devoid of jewelry in a sense, for what lay within certainly had lace. Lots of lace.

Tsukasa spoke first. "…a corset?"

It was red and quite a fancy one even by modern standards that could not be denied its purpose as an item for sexual wear. "Um, did they really wear things like this back then?"

"I…suppose so?" Miyuki tentatively reached out to touch the clothing but falling short of actually making contact with it.

Nanako frowned and pushed it aside spying other material beneath. Several more garments lay on the pile that seemed to be made up of nothing but similar skimpy get up. "This is a bathing suit, they didn't have them back then."

Konata reached for another. "Mhmm, yep this style is definitely a recent thing. Unless the bikini truly does trace its roots back to the cavewoman days – we could rewrite history with this!"

"Oh, it may be as I feared." The buxom pink one sighed in discontent. "I didn't want to spoil the enthusiasm, but it seems this is not a genuine find. Reproductions commonly get confused at first glance."

"So basically we stumbled on someone's panty collection that for some reason was buried all the way out here. Unbelievable." Kagami hung her head. A sad day proof of the lengths the obsessed would go.

"Hey, some of these are really nice! Look Kagamin, it's perfect on you~!" The pigtailed-haired girl had to do a double take at what exactly the otaku had just held up to her hips. '_A thong!'_

"Get that disgusting thing away from me! Who knows who wore it last, ew!"

Tsukasa rubbed at a sweatdrop as the two went running down the beach, Konata attempting to use the stringy item to slingshot itself at her victim. "So ah…what should we do with this?"

The blonde decided to take on her full mantle as teacher with one last glance through the contents, "Yeah, there's underwear in here too…" and promptly slammed the lid back into place.

"We could drop it off at the proper authorities?" Suggested Miyuki.

"I was thinking more along the lines of burning it all." Nanako grimaced. "You know, set all the worries of the women victimized by this creep free."

"Konataaa! How did you do that?"

A yell made it's way back to them as this time it was Kagami chasing after the shorter girl, a healthy red glow upon her face as hands were noticeably cupped over her own chest. The top to the tsundere's swimsuit no where in sight.

"I said give it back!"

"I swear I didn't take it!" Konata's denials went unheard versus Kagami's teary-eyed rage. In turning her head around to deny more clearly, the bluenette became distracted by the little bit of flesh she could see flopping around under those hands…

With a trip, Kagami soon reached her and also landed spread out over the little otaku.

"Huh?" Konata distractedly mused, not at their position but more so the curious feel of gritty sand down the length of her back and much too soft all up her front.

"Okay brat, where did you-"

"Er, Kagami. I think it happened to me too."

The lavender haired girl stared at her for a moment not sure what she meant. "What?"

Konata only flickered her eyes down between them for an instant before immediately looking back up and tilted away, a light blush now on her cute pudgy cheeks as well.

Taking the hint, Kagami looked down as well. Skin, there was nothing but skin under her. In the blink of an eye Konata's one-piece had simply vanished somehow when they had tumbled.

"Wh-W-what are they doing?" Tsukasa's eyes went wide at what from their distance, seemed like something improper going on between her friend and sister.

"Oh!" Miyuki suddenly gave a cry of surprise. A look of embarrassment covering her face as she quickly reached down with both hands to cover her most intimate shameful place. "My, my…how? Tsukasa-san!"

"Eh? What is it Yuki-chan?"

"Your…top is missing too." With one hand Miyuki pointed while politely looking off to the side. "I but blinked and it was gone."

Indeed Tsukasa's petite mounds were free and breezy. So shocked was she that it didn't cross her mind to cover them until their teacher was done digging through the cooler.

"…I know we almost practically have the beach to ourselves, but I ain't taking responsibility if you girls are going to get so wild as to go streaking."

That snapped the poor girl back into awareness, throwing a towel over her shoulders with an 'eep'. Miyuki too was resorting to her casual blouse and beach skirt as the last two came walking back, a disgruntled Kagami with an arm across her breasts while Konata followed, hands up around her head carefree.

"Kagami, there's no way I could've done that, or that fast at least. Just be sure to take responsibility~"

"Shut up!"

Nanako took a moment to take in all four's various levels up undress. "Was I gone when you all decided on this?"

"We didn't plan for anything!" Kagami automatically snapped digging around for some other clothing they had worn down to the beach.

"Yeah, that's usually how it goes." Was the blonde's lamenting sigh.

Making the same observation as her teacher, Konata took a glance back at the chest of lingerie. "Any of you got a funny feeling about that chest?"

As one they turned their attention back to the container. Then Nanako shook her head. "No, I'm not going for it. I don't know what kind of elaborate scheme you are all up to, Yui too must been a part of it coming beforehand and such, but we should just rebury and be done with it. Izumi, the collection is yours isn't it."

"Eh? I kinda wish it was ma'am."

Tsukasa looked back and forth between the two. "I don't get it."

"I believe Konata-san is implying that there is something out of the ordinary occurring. I agree." Miyuki helpfully supplied.

"Like a curse or something?" Kagami scoffed. "Come on shorty, finish your joke and be done with it."

"I'm telling you it isn't me. We're onto a real life mystery. An now to solve it!"

"Tch, just hurry up."

Again the latch was undone and the lid pulled open. Right there on top, rested Kagami's upper half of her swimsuit. Surrounding that, were the other various missing articles.

"Aha, I new it. You just snuck it in with a flick of the wrist or whatever magicians do." Unlike everyone else's startled gasps, Kagami remained unconvinced.

"Oh? And where would've I hid it in the mean time?" Konata's remark was borderline sarcastic but remained a teasing tone, turning her hip in a mildly suggestive way. "Would you like an extra thorough search?"

"No thank you, I saw plenty more than I ever wanted to."

"O-Onee-chan!"

Startled by yet another gasp of surprise, they turned to an again topless Tsukasa, her towel even having mysteriously vanished. But that had not been what the younger twin was trying to point out. As she could not utter anything more than her astonishment, Miyuki stepped in.

"Kagami-san, like me, your bottoms….are gone too."

In a slow dread-like horror, Kagami reached down to brush her hips expecting to find the waistband. Nothing.

"…how the…when did…?"

Pretty much as expected, Konata was the only one not to turn away. "Wow, you got that nice and trimmed!"

**-o-y-o-**

"Okay. So the thing is cursed! What do we do?" Kagami shouted in exasperation.

She, Konata, Miyuki, and her sister were all now buried into the sand. It was the only way to stay halfway decent, as everything else had in time been swiped strait off their bodies and into the chest by the invisible force each and every time they had attempted to cover up in any other way. Towels, the parasol, the little clothes they had brought down. Even trying to run to the car only met in disaster. That police officer just had to be making a patrol round through the parking lot then when nobody else had been around, Yue would have been one thing but explaining that to the regular authorities probably would not have gone over well.

"Well it's like hammer space, or the opposite effect really…" Konata pondered aloud.

"Maybe we can take the chest with us?" Suggested Tsukasa. "No one lost any clothes while they were touching it right?"

"Though it is a wonder as to why it hasn't affected Kuroi-sensei at all." Miyuki inquired.

Just beyond them sat Nanako, calmly observing the turn around while they were trapped in the sand. Abet for differing reasons. "Well, I got no idea. If it's a curse, you won't be able to necessarily go to school or anything until it can be broken."

"No problem then, their family runs a shrine." Konata pointed out to the twins, to be met with Kagami's scowl.

"Grand time not to take the whole spiritual thing lightly."

A heavy sigh escaped their teacher. "You know what, I haven't had that beer yet and we're going nowhere. I'm going to go have one and see what crazy ideas I can come up with in the mean time. Chow~"

"What? Hey you can't leave us here!" Kagami's spite quickly turned to panic. Things could only get worse from here on.

"Relax. There's a couple hours left before it gets dark and I'm only having one. Ha, that's what we'll do. Wait til dark and then get you into the car unnoticed – well till then!"

"Get back here!"

**-o-y-o-**

"Getting kind of cold now isn't it?" Konata shivered in the quickly cooling sand.

The sun was still on the horizon but without the direct rays, their cover had now turned into a gritty, damp, prison in which the only escape was the cost of time or modesty. A strange look from the rare passerby but nothing confrontational as of yet. Four high school girls buried into a single pit and surrounded by sand tentacles indeed would be an odd sight better left unquestioned.

"Here Kona-chan, there's some space between me and onee-chan" Tsukasa slipped an arm around the smaller girl to share some of their warmth. Reluctantly Kagami did the same while keeping her other arm tight around her bust.

There was nothing but the setting sun and the calming repetition of the waves. Dark silhouettes against a fading orange sky.

"You know, it's kind of a good thing not many people are around on this beach." Tsukasa tried to start up another conversation to help pass the time.

"It just may be a theory, but it may have something to do with this very chest."

A collective sigh answered Miyuki as they could do nothing for now but try huddling a bit closer together.

"I hope Kuroi-sensei comes back soon…"

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**A/N: **Huh, this one turned out pretty much like how I envisioned last week when this challenge was issued despite not having written a single word for it until the morning of its due date. No clear goal of being either humor/drama/lemon/etc but it should do its part in telling a silly story…else I'm really tired and can't tell it's slop. All well, not like I was making much progress on my updates.

__- okay, so apparently the centers for the page breaks and title won't stay, in the preview document anyway. So if those look out of place, that's why.


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